Should women change their names after marriage?

Each time a baby arrives in any household, the next thing in the minds of the parents, well wish­ers and the family members is the pomp and pageantry that characterize the eight day, which is the naming ceremony day.

On that day, all and sundry gather to give the child a befitting name, which supposedly is intended to propel him and his destiny through life. This is because according to oral tradition, names spir­itually opens doors as well as direct or redirect destinies. Consequently, names like Ayomide, Oluwayemisi, Chiebuka, Ego, Ezinwa amongst others are readily given with the sole purpose of shaping the child’s destiny. This is even as the immediate past president of Nigeria, Dr. Goodluck Jonathan, is said to have had everything worked out for him because of his name – Goodluck.

That notwithstanding, names given at birth have not really, and cannot be said to have propelled to any form of destiny, positive or negative; but people through a dint of hard work have carved a niche for themselves, and consequently, created a name which opens doors irrespective of whether it has religious connotations or not.

“Names, as far as I am concerned, are just tags, and do not portray much in the real sense of it. People strive to become what they will be. You cannot tell me that a vulcanizer who wears a doctor’s appar­el has become a doctor. No, it does not work like that. Not all Ades are kings; not all Egos are wealthy; not all Nwachuk­wus fear God or receives God’s blessings. What you make of yourself is what you become; name or no name,” said Casmir Okoro, a sociologist.

He reiterated that no matter what one bears as name, only what he could do for himself will stand him out in the society.

Sometime, not in the distant past, when Mr. Emmanuel Ojukwu was made the Police Public Relations Officer, a group of journalist, during a parley, asked him if by any means he is related to the Ikemba Nnewi, late Dim Chukwue­meka Odumegwu Ojukwu because of his name. though his answer was in the neg­ative, something about him suggested that he was happy to have been connect­ed with the former Biafran warlord.

Consequently, names like Babangi­da, Otedola, Saraki, Adenuga, Dangote, Ojukwu, Okadigbo and many others seem to be puzzle solvers in varied situa­tions including getting contracts, admis­sion, jobs and any other favours reserved for the privileged.

According to Chief Musiliu Odunsi, a community leader, names of people who had achieved prominence in life tends to ring a bell wherever they are mentioned, and answers every nutty question. He added that public officers, administra­tors and government officials accord re­spect to these names each time they are brought to the fore.

“There is actually something in a name; I mean prominent names of achievers. Their names carry the aura they have created for themselves, and tend to speak for them even in their ab­sence. Why do you think the likes of for­mer Bianca Onoh married Emeka Ojuk­wu, even as her father was a governor, or why the beautiful and young Lara Fortes married Edo State governor, Adams Osh­iomhole? The quest to answer a superior name is not ruled out,” Odunsi said.

These same reasons may also account for the reasons the female folks who had carved a niche for themselves seem re­luctant or even recalcitrant in assuming the names of their hubbies or discarding their own names completely.

Dr. Olabisi Durojaiye-Abiodun, who runs a private pharmaceutical outfit, be­lieves that it is tantamount to cheating if a woman is forced to drop a name she had labored to make just because she married a husband, asking where the husband was when the woman was busy attaching importance to her maiden name. Accord­ing to her, the best a woman can do is to add the man’s name to hers in the unlike­liest of situations.

“A woman spends all her life trying to build her name, and suddenly society wants her to drop the name just because of tradition. That’s cheating! Times have changed! Where were the man and so­ciety when she was busy building her name? I am so benevolent to have added my husband’s name to my maiden name, and that’s the limit a woman who wishes to be considerate should go,” she said.

While towing Durojaiye-Abiodun’s as­sertion, many Nigerian women see the dropping of ‘hard earned’ maiden name as foolishness, saying that such will re­turn the woman to oblivion, especially if the name of the husband is something only obtainable in obscurity.

Instances abound of the likes of a for­mer member of the House of Represen­tatives, Abike Dabiri-Erewa, ace broad­caster, Ruth Benamasia-Opia, and many others who belong to the school individ­uals who combine maiden names with matrimonial identity. This is because they have been in practice with their names long before they dabbled into mat­rimony. Both women had been household names as they were regular faces on the Nigerian Television Authority as news­casters.

Eunice Opara, a youth corps member, serving with Surulere Local Govern­ment Area, Lagos, said that though she was yet to marry, she doesn’t see herself dropping her name completely for anoth­er man’s name. She said even at the level she is presently, her name has gone plac­es and established an age-long identity. Consequently, dropping her name will be tantamount to losing an identity.

“My name has come to be me. All these years, I have strived to nurture it. As a re­sult, I don’t see myself dropping it com­pletely for any other. This is because I am afraid of losing my identity,” she said.

Her colleague, Ijeoma Okeke, collab­orated her stand, questioning the ratio­nale behind the tradition.

“There are certain traditions that need to be done away with. Why must a woman abandon her name for another man’s? I thought the Beijing Conference took care of all these,” she fumed.

In total disagreement, Pastor (Mrs.) Titilayo Shogbade, explained that drop­ping of a woman’s name for her hus­band’s name is in furtherance of the biblical instruction to ‘submit’ to one’s husband, saying that any woman who thinks it is wrong should not complain if her husband loves her haphazardly.

“The Bible commands that a woman should submit to her husband, and bear­ing his name without reservation, is one area of submission. It is not negotiable except you want your husband to love you with reservation. You need not go into marriage if you think it is wrong,” she asserted.

Pastor Shogbade maintained that one has no business marrying a man whose name she cannot discard her own to bear.

However, while most women manage to add their matrimonial names to their maiden names, some feel it is completely unnecessary, and out rightly discard it. A typical example is Mrs. Joke Jacobs, who is better known by her maiden name, Joke Silva, and whose matrimonial name is quite unknown to not a few people.

To Joke Silva (Jacobs), the individu­als are two different people, and had to remain so. She claims that she became who she is as Joke Silva, and has to keep it that way as far as her professional life is involved. She added that her matrimo­nial name comes handy in matrimonial settings.

On Moji’s part, she feels more at home with her father’s name – Olaiya – which according to her, opens influential doors for her.

But Mrs. Barbara Owolana, a sec­ondary school administrator, said it is a psychological thing, seeing that wom­en, being who they are flows better with stronger men; they have no patience for weaker men, either in physic or finance. Consequently, if their father’s name seems to bear the mark of opulence and influence, they will stick to it, and if oth­erwise, they will swiftly make a switch.

“Women love power and money, and are willing to swing their tentacles to where they flow the best. Even women whose husbands have passed seem to retain his name much as they are mar­ried to some other people like Senator Florence Ita-Giwa, who still attaches late Dele Giwa’s name to her name, 29 years after his death. It’s just about what you can get, and nothing more,” Owolana said.

But what is the opinion of men on the issue? Most men looked at it indifferent­ly while some said they will never live under the same roof with a woman that would not bear their names.

“Never! I will not dwell under the same roof with a woman recalcitrant enough to reject my name, no matter how highly placed or educated. I am a typical Afri­can man, and African tradition entails a woman jettisoning her name for her hus­band’s after marriage, and that is where I stand. No more, nothing less. Even the holy books condemn such act,” the com­munity leader, Musiliu Odunsi, vehe­mently spat.

Odunsi’s assertion seems to be the consensus opinion of most men who spoke to Saturday Mirror on the issue as there is no legal implication to whether one takes her spouse’s name or not.