Mothers must be their daughters’ confidants – Ireti Doyle

Not many people in the limelight still have stable homes today. How are you able to keep yours?

I think I am lucky to be hooked up with a man like Patrick. I’ve never seen a more confident man. Besides, we are into the same career. There’s nothing I am now that he hasn’t been already. He’s been there. He’s done all I may be seen to be do­ing now.. It’s one thing to have a talent and it’s another thing to have someone who would help you grow it. He helped in grow­ing me in to a talent. He knew what was go­ing to happen down the line. He had done the mathematics and it doesn’t worry him because he knows that I am coming home to him. He has no worries whatsoever. We’ve been married for years now and we are still on. We can be very boring to other people but we are very homely buddies. We like to be at home; we may be locked away in our room for as long as we want. He trusted me and supports me immensely. I respect him greatly; he is my kind of man any day, a blessing I must emphasise.

Would you say this has helped you in your career?

Of course, it has and very greatly too. When the home front is good, you can be rest assured to be at your best in your working place. Acting is one career or one job that desire creativity time after time and if you are not emotionally stable, it will be hard for you to be at your best. This is what has helped me to cope with my role in Tinsel. It is a very challenging role but a lot of things have helped me to put in my best.

Most parents are finding it tough to raise their teenage kids. What do you think is responsible?

A lot of this can be blamed on the high level of technology that comes with civili­zation that we are all exposed to. The side effects are more felt by the young ones than the adults. They are too exposed to a lot of things that many adults did not know anything about until they came of age. The internet is there telling them to be free with life. The much noise about safe sex with all kinds of contraceptives and all is on another hand to give them the free­dom of a carefree sex life. They are abreast of family planning information and the vogue of being bold and daring where dressing is concerned is not also helping any moral lesson. In addition to the above is the fact that most parents, mothers espe­cially are into one career or the other that takes them away from their children and homes. Today’s children grow faster than those n the past, learns faster than those in the past and parents are never there to put them real through life. All these add up together to make raising them up very difficult.

What do you advise on this?

I will advise that mothers especially take more time out to be with their chil­dren. They have to forfeit some things for some things as nothing goes for nothing. It is a big price I know for them to pay but it is a worthy one. They need to spend more times to devote to their children. We live in a world of high technology, a world of high indecency that if one does not take care very early in the lives of these chil­dren, they may get consumed. Their ori­entation may get twisted and their future may just be ruined. Parents need to devote more times to their children. They must be careful to understand the world we are currently in and take a principled stand to instill good moral lessons in their children. These children are not just the future of their parents; they are the future of the so­ciety as a whole. Their welfare must come before ours. They must be the priority of their parents. They must be available to them, mothers, especially must be the best friends of their daughters. They must be their confidants. They must also be good examples to them, monitor what they wear, the films they watch, the friends they keep and get them closer to God.

Broken homes have become almost a com­mon place in Nigeria now. What will you attribute this to?

The issue of broken homes is not pecu­liar to Nigeria alone, it is everywhere but like you said it was not as popular as it is these days. It is very unfortunate that a lot of marriages are getting broken within a very short time but you see, a lot of reasons can be responsible. If you ask those who have fallen victim of this, they will surely have different stories to tell. There are lots of reasons for this. It varies from immatu­rity, incompatibility, peculiar personalities to other reasons like poor financial status, unemployment and environmental factors. Like I said it varies from case to case. It is different strokes for different people.

Why will you recommend marriage for anybody?

Marriage is good for everyone more im­portantly for companionship. No doubt, it is also designed for procreation but I tell you marriage is best for companionship. No matter how much time one spends out of the home, your spouse remains your best friend if you will see it that way. Even the holy Bible says so. It is not good for a man to be alone. And just as it is not good for a man to be alone, women should also not be alone. Loneliness is bad for every sane person. It is bad for productivity and for everything. It says further that two heads are better than one, meaning one head is not good enough no matter how wonderful the head is. The best thing in short in any marriage is companionship. The thought of having someone at home to discuss with as your very own, at all times makes it very important.

Are children and other people who are close associates not good as companions?

Children and all these people, friends, sisters and other close associates are good companions but, they cannot be as much good companions as your husband. Age, at a time will count against the children and no matter the closeness, you cannot possi­bly discuss everything with your siblings, friends and neighbours. It is not even ad­visable. These people are third parties no matter how you look at it. Your husband is supposed to be your best companion. Who is a companion? It is your best friend, your confidant, a reliable and trustworthy per­son. He or she is expected to be very mature and quite experienced about a lot of things. As for me, this is what I have enjoyed most in my marriage. My husband has been the best companion I have ever had in life. He is my best companion. He is my best friend, a brother, a lover and of course a father.

What are the credentials you will recom­mend for anyone going into a marriage?

Basically, the person must be sure that he or she is really ready for the marriage. This, in terms of emotions, spirituality and economical strength. It requires a high level of maturity and this goes beyond the physical. It also goes beyond the fact that your friends and colleagues are almost all married. You must be sure of what you want, why you want to be married and be sure that your partner is also ready for the marriage. It is dangerous to just get into a marriage when the other party is obvious­ly not ready. If a party forces the other in any way, may be by way of sudden preg­nancies or by way of offering to sponsor the marriage due to your own comfortabil­ity in any way, it may all boomerang at the end of the day. Both parties must be truly fond of each other and must be sure that they both want the marriage, that is, they are both ready to live with each other. If they are both fond of each other in all hon­esty, they will be able to endure each oth­er’s weaknesses. If both are economically strong to a good level, they will be able to keep the love as much as possible. Above all, if they are both mature, they will be able to tolerate each other and grow their marriage. Maturity is very important in every marriage.

How essential is money in a marriage?

Very essential! I mean very essential! If you go into a marriage thinking love is go­ing to sustain you, don’t worry – Surprise! – surprise! It’s even a spiritual injunction. A man must be capable of taking care of his wife. At least, have prospects, have a job and a roof over your head otherwise where do you expect your wife to be after the marriage? If you marry a woman be­cause of her own money or her parents’, you will end up not having a say in that marriage. It will be hijacked by the par­ents or the wife herself in a way as time goes on. No woman enjoys occupying the position of the man in the house and still be expected to double as the wife. It is not implied in any of the holy books and it is definitely unAfrican. It is your duty as a man to do all that. That’s not to say that she won’t contribute especially in today’s dispensation but it is your duty to provide the basics. If you don’t have that, what business do you have getting married? It means you’re not ready to become a hus­band yet.