For Gimba Emen and Jessica Ibrahim, his girlfriend, this may not be the best of times as love which welded their hearts in the past, when they ate, danced, drank and watched films joyfully, seems to have expired and like a candle light that is extinguished. Right now, Emen, a 28-year-old student, is cooling his heels at the Keffi Prison for allegedly jilting Ibrahim, who he put in the family way in the course of some swell months of exciting union. Now carrying a seven months’ pregnancy, outcome of their raunchy association, Ibrahim is hoping the court of law will definitely serve as a dispassionate arbiter by finding him guilty of unfaithfulness and maybe send him to jail.
In the submission of the prosecutor, Sergeant Samuel Okoro, Ibrahim reported the accused, who resides at Mararaba, at the Sani Abacha Road Police Station, Mararaba, Nasarawa State. According to him, Emen had in January approached Jessica for a romantic relationship to which she accepted, but the accused allegedly deceitfully made the complainant, who is not legally married to him, to believe that he would marry her.
“The accused cohabited with Jessica and impregnated her. Later he drove her four years ago with the youngest child. According to Peter, his ‘headache’ now is how to nurture those children because “I have tried all my possible best to legalise the union, but her father refused saying that both of us never lived in peace when we were together. But the union has four kids to show for it.
“Right now, people have been advising me to forget the lady and move on with my life. They said that it is possible she doesn’t want to be married for spiritual reasons which they said the father may be aware of. But deep down me, I am not thinking of woman anymore,” he said.
Also counting her losses after a heartbreak recently inflicted on by her ‘heartthrob,’ Deborah Egeh, a law firm secretary in Lagos, said she had been licking her wound all alone after losing a three-month-out of the house without providing her needs,’’ stated the prosecutor. This offence, according to Okoro contravenes section 383 of the Penal Code, which prescribes a three-year jail term as penalty for offenders.
But making his defence, Emen, denied committing the offence, but confessed having sexual relationship with Jessica, though he said ‘in the past.’ The prosecutor however objected to his defence, saying that he was only trying to free himself from guilt.
When the case came up for hearing recently, the Presiding Judge, Mr Vincent Gwehemba, ordered that the accused be remanded in Keffi Prison until the adjourned date.
Though Emen and Ibrahim’s illegal union resulted in an unplanned sevenmonth- old pregnancy, Peter, a Lagos resident who resides at Ikotun, a Lagos suburb, is today a sad single parent of three children after his estranged partner he cohabited with returned to her parents. Their union produced four kids, the eldest of which is 13 years old, but the woman left old pregnancy that resulted from a broken relationship that lasted for six months with George, an Imo State-born driver in one of the popular South East commercial transport companies, whom she had hoped she would tie the nuptial knot with.
“Men are wicked,” the 41-year-old Egeh lamented, as she told her story to Saturday Mirror. “What didn’t I do for this man? Ever since we started living together, he went to work with food because I woke up every morning to prepare his food despite the fact that I worked on Lagos Island. People in his office are my witnesses because they noticed that his life changed for good. He didn’t give me housekeeping allowance; I stocked the house with all manner of food stuff and fruits which attracted his friends to his house because they were sure of good food on weekends. Even with all my efforts, he did not appreciate me,” she said.
From her story, when George got tired of her, he simply kicked her out, giving the excuse that his pastor advised him to stay away from women for the mean time. However, Egeh’s grouse is that George still relates with other women despite the pastor’s ‘advice’; a proof that completely convinced her that the man had decided to dump her. “He also doesn’t want to come and meet my people to legalise the relationship,” she said.
Lovers’ cohabitation, also described as ‘couple’s life’, in spite of deluge of attacks against it by moralists, has remained a trend not only in the towns, cities and rural areas, but also a feature of social relationships in many tertiary institutions in Nigeria. Though historically, this practice’s origin was from Western climes, especially in European countries, but over there, students who are in love cohabit in same apartment in an institution throughout the duration of their course years. The potential partners live, dine and wine under the same roof; they sometimes assume the full responsibilities of real couples. But on Nigerian campuses, the couple, conspicuously head over heels in love, actively experiment illicit relationship out of sheer desperation and interest to enjoy interpersonal sensual pleasure; later they progress by engaging in free and fulfilled sex like married partners.
Strangely and unbelievably, some parents in many cities in Nigeria, approve very close mutual relationship between young couples, hoping that such freedom affords the two time to be together and enable their relationships to go through purifying fire; but not a few say that it is not necessarily to prepare the couple for marriage, but to enable them understand the peculiar habit and secrets of man’s life.
Other factors some give as reasons for couple’s cohabitation include the extremely high cost of housing and today’s harsh economy. Some cohabit as a way of trying out marriage to test each other’s compatibility, while they have the option of ending the relationship without legal implications if they feel it is not workable.
Whereas, a few who cohabit do so hypocritically or with some sense of guilt, the trend has gone viral among students, especially those living off-campuses of tertiary institutions where accommodation is inadequate. In the course of getting facts for this story, Saturday Mirror saw students of Olabisi Onabanjo University, Ago Iwoye, seeking accommodation outside their school campus. But the excuse of accommodation problem is what desperate student lovers harp on to start mutual relationship under the same roof. However, as ‘satisfying’ as the practice may be to them, the dangers it pose to their health and academic life may be too enormous control.
Ibrahim Abdulkareem, a medical student at University of Abuja, warned: “Such practice is dangerous for the future of the two young adults involved in the relationship. They are susceptible to various sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies that may result in serial abortions. Also, there is no viable assurance that the intimacy will end up in marriage.
He added: “Without mincing words, such a practice is unwholesome and condemnable. Aside the fact that the both are prone to various sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy; it is capable of distracting them from their primary academic responsibility,” he affirmed.
Also speaking about the ability of such ‘trial marriage’ to cause derailment in students’ academic pursuit, Tope Makinde, a University of Lagos student, maintained that such practice is capable of distracting the primary purpose of studentship, which is to attain academic excellence. She averred that there is a wide gulf between education and romance, but any attempt to combine the two it will result in grave consequences. Rhetorically, she asked: “Have you ever come across a best-graduating student of a school saying that he or she lived a couple’s life to earn such meritorious feat? Therefore, I posit that the practice should be totally discouraged,” she concluded.
But inviting government intervention in the malaise is Kunle Olayiwola, a 400-Level Electrical Engineering student of University of Ilorin, who wants the political leaders and stakeholders in the education sector to establish a law against such practice. He said: “Some single male and female students in our higher institutions are now living together like married couples. This menace happens when sense of shame is dead in people,” he pinpointed.
Last week in his opening remark at a one-day summit on ‘Cohabitation among Students,’ organised by the Student Affairs Division of the Adekunle Ajasin University, Akungba Akoko, Ondo State, the Vice- Chancellor, Professor Igbekele Ajibefun, condemned the prevailing cohabitation syndrome among students of tertiary institutions in the country. He condemned outright female and male students living together: “Cohabitation among students is a reprobate act that requires all hands to be on deck to arrest the ugly trend. Living together and having sexual relationship without being married is a trend that has virtually eroded the level of morality among the youths, particularly students of higher institutions.
“Findings by researchers have proved that cohabitation among unmarried students has been on the rise and if deliberate and pragmatic steps are not taken by all stakeholders, including managements of tertiary institutions, parents and religious leaders, this anomaly will continue unabated and the society will ultimately suffer for it,” the vice-chancellor said.
“Myriads of reasons account for cohabitation in our society,” Cyril Azuka, a sociologist declared. “Although it is usually described as illegal, but it is a way by which a strong or an advantaged person tries to take care of the weakness or misfortune of another, though the benefactor may have some hidden agenda. Normally, in a society bedevilled with social imbalances or personal problems such as unemployment, hunger, homelessness and health problems, poverty and hopelessness, childlessness, marital failures or need for a future partner, anybody that professes as ‘messianic’ spirit may take lives of the weak for granted,” he explained.
Speaking from the angle of moral and religion, a lecturer at the Lagos State University (LASU) and professor Islamic religion, Lakin Akintola, condemned the practice in its entirety. “They should not be called couples in the first place because it is illegal, it is un-Islamic, and it is Haram. It is fornication if both of them are single and adultery if they are married. Such attitude encourages irresponsibility and abortion; it involves murder, the killing of the innocent. Such people are bad example to the young ones because they mislead them. They are socially irresponsible,” he averred.
“Every family is a unit; when a family unit is in order, it brings discipline and morality to the whole society. But when you refuse to form your own family, engaging in pre-marital sex or cohabiting, it is an anomaly in social responsibility ethics. So Islam does not support it and because it is barbaric and we don’t encourage Nigerians to be doing that.”
Also, Pastor Titus, senior pastor at Christ Perfect Church, Lagos, also condemned cohabitation, pointing finger of blame at tradition and culture for making the outlandish practice to grow. “So it affects the marriage demand and whatever that follows it and as a result of that a lot people are prevented from getting into marriage and that is why they cohabit.
“Another reason is economic situation, because even the tradition and culture’s demand on marriage is translated into financial and economic values and as a result of that, most people don’t have financial strength to face it and that may force them to decide to live together,” he said.
“Another reason why cohabitation is popular is lust of the flesh. This is when people are pushed by what they call ‘love,’ but it is actually infatuation,” he maintained.
Looking at it spiritually, Pastor Azubike also said: “Some people’s marriage may have been mortgaged spiritually. They will not know that they have been spiritually manipulated to cohabit, but they think it is just a normal thing not knowing they are being manipulated.
“Biblically, it is an evil and a curse to the union and the future generation. They are living under a curse whether they know it or not because they did not perform some rites to legalise the union. It is also insurrection to the word of God. There is therefore no excuse for such practice or union,” he concluded.
Patrick Anyanwu, a deacon in Assemblies of God also added his voice saying that the idea of intending couples cohabiting is not biblical. “For a young man or lady who has been betrothed, their parents can permit them to be together but not live together. Their meetings is not something that should be exclusively in private place because if they are Christians, children of God indeed, the scripture says it is bed undefiled and being that they are living in flesh as human beings and love has evolved in relationship, the tendencies of sex or immoral temptations might be there,” Anyanwu said.
“It is a trend actually in the society, but not among worshippers in Bible- believing churches that actually have the hope of making heaven.” If people feel they love each other, they shouldn’t be together until they are legally married,” he advised.
“An appeal to people’s conscience or psyche may go a long way in eradicating cohabitation, but if the critical needs of man: housing, food, education, health, love etc are provided, the temptation to look up to a person as saviour will be reduced,” Azuka stressed.
