‘Marriage is a make or break issue’

What’s your growing up like?

My growing up was fun. Anytime I think about it, I smile. Whenever I remember all that I enjoyed as a baby, I always feel good. I was blessed with a wonderful father and a most loving and caring mother. Although things were not rosy all the time, we got along quite well.

This was largely because our parents understood that their children’s needs come first. Interestingly, my father was a semi-literate, while my mother was illiterate. They were, however, bent on giving us quality education. My mother was always unhappy about the fact that she didn’t go to school; she was particularly unhappy because of all her siblings, she was always sickly.

She was not someone who compromises however. Before you could get anything from her, it must be for school or for something reasonable. She would call us pet names and praise us every morning. I was a very shy girl but my mother kept encouraging me to quit being shy. She never stopped talking about my beauty which she insisted being both inside and outside.

She boosted my confidence so much. Though she wanted me to be bold, the way she raised us made me to be afraid of her. Till the day she died, I couldn’t look straight into my mother’s eyes despite the love and respect I had for her. My father was a disciplinarian, who spared nothing at ensuring that I turned out alright. Sometimes, my mother would feel like my father was being too harsh on me. He raised me like a boy because he wished I was a boy. He wouldn’t drop a standard despite the fact that I am a girl.

Before he died, my father, who claimed he felt like a fool when God gave me to him, confessed that there is a better plan for me. Till his death, he was so proud of me. It was much later that I found out that he loved me. He just did not want me to be over pampered and spoilt. My mother had me very late, and there was that tendency for her to spoil me, but she didn’t.

What kind of girl were you when you were small?

I was like every other girl, I love dancing, listening to music but I loved my books. Because I was in boarding school from my nursery, primary to secondary school, I always looked forward to coming home for holidays, to help my mother in her retail business. She was into textiles and once I came home, she would make sure that I woke up by 4 am, got dressed to follow her to the market. Most times, I stayed there till evening before coming back home; she wouldn’t leave me at home. She kept me by her side always to have quality time with me every day.

What was your childhood dream?

I wanted to be a lawyer. As a little girl, I liked to represent other people’s interests. I liked to share and take care of people and though I was very fragile, I didn’t like trouble. I felt people listened when I talked. Then, I left secondary school and got admission to study Law.

My mother felt I was too young, and should go for my ‘A’ level. Fortunately, I ended up studying business administration. My mother was really interested in me being an entrepreneur and always said I have sales skills. Everybody was comfortable with her; they could buy things from her and always trusted her judgment. She felt I had the same gift. Later, she ventured into real estate, which I am also doing now.

How did you meet your husband?

My husband played a fast one on me; he was my brother’s friend. Anytime, he visited my brother, he would tell me: Please, help me get a good wife like you. Whenever I asked him what he seeks in a woman, he would reply that he needed a good wife material like me. After a while, he asked me to marry him, but I declined saying that he was a difficult man. I told him I like soft-spoken, gentle guys. However, he always made me laugh. One day, he looked at me and said he wanted to tell me something. He wouldn’t look me in the eye, however. The following week, four of his friends called me saying they wanted to take me out for dinner. I didn’t have any choice than to go with them. He was there smiling at me. One of his friends said they had a message for me from one of their closest friends who loves me so much. They said he secretly adored me and was always singing my praises. They said he could not even sleep well and was desperate to marry me.

What was your reaction?

I was shocked and wondered who the person might be, and why he could not confront me personally. What surprised me most was the fact that all these while, he was there watching while his friends spoke on his behalf. I looked him straight in his eyes and asked him why he could not talk for himself? He replied that I should just answer the questions the friends asked me. I told him that I would not answer the questions until he used his mouth to tell me himself. It was then he rose up to tell me of his love for me. He demanded my immediate response. I laughed and looked straight into his eyes and told him he is a big-for-nothing guy, who could not talk to a lady despite all he’s got. We both laughed over it.

When we got into the car and in the presence of his friends, he went back to the same subject and asked whether I would marry him. I responded in the affirmative. I think it was tough for him to ask me out because he had often talked of his reservation about Mushin girls. As far as he knew, Mushin girls or ladies do not know how to love. Besides, he was raised by a single mother. I also told him of my fear that he is never serious about anything because he jokes a lot.

Why did you finally settle down with him?

I think because he always makes me laugh. I used to call him a comedian, while he would call me Iya Jesu, let’s pray. Obviously, I like to serve God. I think he used that to sweep me off my feet.

As a philanthropist and a politician, how do you manage your family?

It is difficult because each needs more than 24 hours a day to thrive well. I will just give all to God who has made it all worked. There are days I felt like spending more time with my family, there are other times I also felt like spending more time out there with my commitments. Somehow, however, I tried balancing all and it keeps working. All the glory be unto God Almighty. One thing that I think has continually worked for me is the fact that I am into all that I do because I love doing them.

The message here is that we must never forget that the primary reason for being alive is to love one another as God first loved us. And in whatever capacity we are endowed, we should ensure that we are a blessing, and live a life of blessing. At those times you feel you are running alone and you are scared of how everything you desire will work out well, God is always there to take care of everything. What is Shelter of Grace all about? It is an empowerment and training center, a voice for the voiceless, especially women. It is however not restricted to women because we have a lot of men that we have trained in different fields like agriculture, fish farming, mechanics, shoes making and so many other things.

What do you think is responsible for broken marriages in Nigeria?

I think everybody should pray for good luck and grace to marry the right spouse. Parents must especially pray for our children and this must start from when they are little. Marriage is a make or break issue for most people in life. One of the best things you can do for yourself when you meet anybody, apart from the physical aspect is to intimately know the level of the person’s relationship with God. It is good to marry somebody with the fear of God and this can be well achieved if the person inquiring is also close to God because it takes someone who is in God to also know the stand of the other person.

It is also important for couples to agree on the way to sail the boat of their homes. For instance, you cannot be newly married and live apart. You must also believe in each other’s visions and missions. What other advice do you have for couples? Let’s always put God first. Moreover, we must curb greed because there is so much competition all over the world. And a lot of our young girls want it all in one day; they don’t have time to go through the process. Once you pick a partner, believe in him or her. Above all, find ways of communicating with each other always.

After studying Business Administration; why did you decide to go into politics?

After studying Business Administration, I studied Real Estate and Mortgage Banking which is what I am still doing now. I’m a Real Estate consultant and Developer. Politics came out of my desire to serve God. It started like a ministry and I made up my mind that I want to give my life to God and live the Christ-like life as much as I could. At the time I made that call, so many things were not right in my life, and so when anybody asked me, I would tell them all I want is an inner peace. For me, peace is priceless, but the peace I crave for comes from knowing and loving my God and giving Him all, no matter the challenges I am going through. I know He is bigger than my problems.

I realised I can reach out to the children and thereafter started reaching out to the community. Funnily enough, I ventured into politics because of voluntary services, I just wanted to be of help and I am glad