Do men honestly fall in love?

Hmmm…most people es­pecially women act as if love or rather the act of falling in love is a gender thing. They behave as if men are heart­less or our heart is made of stone and we can’t feel anything. This is why this may be one of the most commonly asked questions by women of all ages. Do men hon­estly fall in love? For me, I do have a very different take on what love is and how individuals should act while being in love and what is not love, but for the sake of answering this question, I’ll use the word “Love” to mean roman­tic attraction and sexual chemis­try between a man and a woman though loving and being in love goes beyond romantic attraction and expression or sexual chemis­try with me.

What is funny is that the way both genders fall in love is differ­ent but a lot of women expects the stereotypical way that they know of by them as the only way to fall in love and anyone who doesn’t conform to that way can never know how to fall in love or what love truly means. Unknown to a majority of women, men fall in love at first sight even more frequently than women do. While within the first fifteen seconds of meeting someone for the very first time, a woman would have decid­ed sub-consciously if she will give a guy a chance for him to try to make her fall in love with him or not, in the same amount of time, a man will decide if he loves how a woman looks or not. It is based on his visual reassurances that a man will most likely unconscious­ly make his decisions of falling in love and it doesn’t take much con­viction unlike a woman who has to be proven to in so many ways to trust a man’s intentions. If a man is not physically attracted to you, trying to make him “fall in love” with you is really like trying to wake up a dead horse because you’ll only be seeing what you alone want to see and believe. And lest we forget, men don’t lie about that, they will always let you know they find you attractive and will be very plain and straight-forward too about it.

Most women believe because most men come out with the truth on how they fell in love with their partner it cannot be real love. But come to think of it, don’t we all love having a partner we can all show to our friends like prized gifts from God? It is really double standards on the part of women to say that because men’s loving starts from visuals, then it can’t be real love. I for one will not want to be with a woman who apart from intellectually stimulating my mind will not visually stimu­late my eyes. And yes I know that this may not be really fair to those women who may not be visually attractive to me. But the truth is that it’s because they weren’t vi­sually attractive to me in the first instance that made me not to fall in love with them or with every woman I see on the streets or I meet regularly. It is basically the same with women who will use emotional and present or future financial viability safety as an unconscious or conscious reason for falling in love with their part­ner. And let’s not delude ourselves here without being able to face the truth, every woman must either be sure of her man being able to satisfy her emotional, psychologi­cal or emotional needs before she can commit herself to that man.

In conclusion, a man will stay in love with a woman because of the way she makes him feel start­ing from what he saw. It’s differ­ent for each man, depending on his needs. A guy who feels good being in charge will respond to a more docile female, while a guy who hates making decisions will go for a bossy girl. If he needs to feel like crap, he’ll end up with a woman who will do him the favour of dealing him a load of it. Does he need to feel superior? He’ll hold out for the insecure mouse. It’s about how HE feels when he’s with her. But in all we really are not different. For if a man is get­ting his emotional needs met, a woman will look, sound, and smell like a queen. He won’t necessarily get what he deserves, but he’ll get what he needs, whether he realizes it or not. Relationships work when partners recognize the emotional forces that brought them together and are both willing to work on themselves and the union.

Not really -by: JACQUI IWU

What a question huh? While typing this top­ic i was tempeted to say ‘’NO’’ but i thought about it deeply and as i continue to type, i still feel a kind of whizzy about this sensi­tive question. Saying ‘yes’ either will not satisfy me seeing all the sil­ly games men play with women in the romance and marriage depart­ment of life. So do not box me into a corner to choose or else i will go for a ‘NO’. Am jinxed with this topic… aren’t i…..???? so what i will do here is just to spill exactly how i feel about the whole love stuff regard­ing our own present generation. Yea ..sure…you do not expect me to use the cave men generation to relate to this …afterall..i never met any of them huh? I am just going to use the generation i met in my own life time to deal with this brain hack of a question today. By the way, if you still feel strongly about this topic or my take on it, join our Saturday Breakfast meeting in Abuja and be part of our ‘’Meet-Greet’’ forum. Here you will have opportunity to share your opinion on a whole lot of issues like this one Let’s roll!!!!!!

Loving someone could be de­scribed in so many ways. Again people love for different reasons. Now focusing on men and asking if they really love honestly brings to the point of how men conduct themselves these days when they are attarcted to a woman. Most men actually cannot differenciate between crush/love/lust. How can you meet a woman today, in two days time you are talking of sleep­ing with her and having sex? What is this? In the process of your rant­ing, you will say- ‘’i love you’’ more than hundered times just to see if the woman will fall for your tricks. Yes, it is a trick because for you to actually love someone honestly, you must have to court/date that per­son to get to know her very well. Again i do not believe honest love is instant. Love at first sight? Crap!! Bullshit!!!! Maybe in the olden days but not these days as we talk! Hon­est love has a lot to do with apprea­ciating both the good and bad sides of a person so how can you meet a woman for the first time and you stupidly blurt out the words- i love you? You do not even know if she is a mermaid, a ghost for crying out loud…what do you know of some­one you just met for you to say…i love you? Like i said earlier, my an­swer for today’s topic keeps leading to a NO answer but for the sake of few men…just few men…. i will put in a fight for them. There are still some men but very-very few who can comfortably love a woman in all honesty. When you see and meet such men, you will be asking where they come from….if they are actu­ally humans or angels from heaven. These men are interested in having you around them and sharing life issues with you and you can hardly hear them bother or ask you for sex till after a long time they have been seeing you. They are concerned about your welfare and always will­ing to sacrifice to make you happy to their own detriment. The last thing they will do is to make you sad or fool you. Such men are evn afraid to kiss you or make stupid sexual moves in your early stag­es of relationship. Their love goes deeper than the erotic love…they just love who you are….your entire being and are just satisfied seeing you…hearing your voice. Damn…. how many men are like this these days? How many? Just few of them around and you do not find them easily. The type of men you see ev­erywhere are all those crude ones who are confusing themselves with love/crush/lust and looking for women to put into romantic coma without any care in the world. If you are not willing to give in to their sexual demands, their stupid love song, you are history! So you see folks….we have more men who crush than love. They crush hon­estly but hardly love honestly. If you still feel am not making sense here, tell me the reason why a man meets a woman today and all he de­sires for the next few days is sex? Is this honest love? Those few men who still love honestly have actaul­ly saved all the lust male sharks from my bullet today or else most of you who fall into this category would have swore! So i urge you good guys to keep being decent and loving….some of us out here still appreciate your honesty

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Genevieve releases second trailer

T.E.N. (The Entertainment Network), producers of the feature film, Road To Yesterday, have released the second teaser from the highly anticipated film scheduled for nationwide release on November 27th, 2015. The second teaser features and introduces Nigerian-British actor, Oris Erhuerho, who plays Izu the burly husband and father. Last week, audiences experienced the first teaser with Genevieve Nnaji as Victoria the conflicted wife and mother. Set in Lagos, Nigeria, RTY is an epic love story about a couple desperate to mend its marriage on a road trip to a relative’s funeral. However, when memories and secrets from the past are revealed, a lot more is at stake than their relationship. Erhuerho is better known for his role, Honore, in the Golden Globe nominated HBO movie, Sometimes In April. This is his first Nigerian production. Directed by Ishaya Bako, RTY also stars Majid Michel, Chioma ‘Chigurl’ Omeruah and veteran Ebele Okaro. The Nigerian premiere is set  for November 18th, 2015 in Lagos

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Mothers must be their daughters’ confidants – Ireti Doyle

Not many people in the limelight still have stable homes today. How are you able to keep yours?

I think I am lucky to be hooked up with a man like Patrick. I’ve never seen a more confident man. Besides, we are into the same career. There’s nothing I am now that he hasn’t been already. He’s been there. He’s done all I may be seen to be do­ing now.. It’s one thing to have a talent and it’s another thing to have someone who would help you grow it. He helped in grow­ing me in to a talent. He knew what was go­ing to happen down the line. He had done the mathematics and it doesn’t worry him because he knows that I am coming home to him. He has no worries whatsoever. We’ve been married for years now and we are still on. We can be very boring to other people but we are very homely buddies. We like to be at home; we may be locked away in our room for as long as we want. He trusted me and supports me immensely. I respect him greatly; he is my kind of man any day, a blessing I must emphasise.

Would you say this has helped you in your career?

Of course, it has and very greatly too. When the home front is good, you can be rest assured to be at your best in your working place. Acting is one career or one job that desire creativity time after time and if you are not emotionally stable, it will be hard for you to be at your best. This is what has helped me to cope with my role in Tinsel. It is a very challenging role but a lot of things have helped me to put in my best.

Most parents are finding it tough to raise their teenage kids. What do you think is responsible?

A lot of this can be blamed on the high level of technology that comes with civili­zation that we are all exposed to. The side effects are more felt by the young ones than the adults. They are too exposed to a lot of things that many adults did not know anything about until they came of age. The internet is there telling them to be free with life. The much noise about safe sex with all kinds of contraceptives and all is on another hand to give them the free­dom of a carefree sex life. They are abreast of family planning information and the vogue of being bold and daring where dressing is concerned is not also helping any moral lesson. In addition to the above is the fact that most parents, mothers espe­cially are into one career or the other that takes them away from their children and homes. Today’s children grow faster than those n the past, learns faster than those in the past and parents are never there to put them real through life. All these add up together to make raising them up very difficult.

What do you advise on this?

I will advise that mothers especially take more time out to be with their chil­dren. They have to forfeit some things for some things as nothing goes for nothing. It is a big price I know for them to pay but it is a worthy one. They need to spend more times to devote to their children. We live in a world of high technology, a world of high indecency that if one does not take care very early in the lives of these chil­dren, they may get consumed. Their ori­entation may get twisted and their future may just be ruined. Parents need to devote more times to their children. They must be careful to understand the world we are currently in and take a principled stand to instill good moral lessons in their children. These children are not just the future of their parents; they are the future of the so­ciety as a whole. Their welfare must come before ours. They must be the priority of their parents. They must be available to them, mothers, especially must be the best friends of their daughters. They must be their confidants. They must also be good examples to them, monitor what they wear, the films they watch, the friends they keep and get them closer to God.

Broken homes have become almost a com­mon place in Nigeria now. What will you attribute this to?

The issue of broken homes is not pecu­liar to Nigeria alone, it is everywhere but like you said it was not as popular as it is these days. It is very unfortunate that a lot of marriages are getting broken within a very short time but you see, a lot of reasons can be responsible. If you ask those who have fallen victim of this, they will surely have different stories to tell. There are lots of reasons for this. It varies from immatu­rity, incompatibility, peculiar personalities to other reasons like poor financial status, unemployment and environmental factors. Like I said it varies from case to case. It is different strokes for different people.

Why will you recommend marriage for anybody?

Marriage is good for everyone more im­portantly for companionship. No doubt, it is also designed for procreation but I tell you marriage is best for companionship. No matter how much time one spends out of the home, your spouse remains your best friend if you will see it that way. Even the holy Bible says so. It is not good for a man to be alone. And just as it is not good for a man to be alone, women should also not be alone. Loneliness is bad for every sane person. It is bad for productivity and for everything. It says further that two heads are better than one, meaning one head is not good enough no matter how wonderful the head is. The best thing in short in any marriage is companionship. The thought of having someone at home to discuss with as your very own, at all times makes it very important.

Are children and other people who are close associates not good as companions?

Children and all these people, friends, sisters and other close associates are good companions but, they cannot be as much good companions as your husband. Age, at a time will count against the children and no matter the closeness, you cannot possi­bly discuss everything with your siblings, friends and neighbours. It is not even ad­visable. These people are third parties no matter how you look at it. Your husband is supposed to be your best companion. Who is a companion? It is your best friend, your confidant, a reliable and trustworthy per­son. He or she is expected to be very mature and quite experienced about a lot of things. As for me, this is what I have enjoyed most in my marriage. My husband has been the best companion I have ever had in life. He is my best companion. He is my best friend, a brother, a lover and of course a father.

What are the credentials you will recom­mend for anyone going into a marriage?

Basically, the person must be sure that he or she is really ready for the marriage. This, in terms of emotions, spirituality and economical strength. It requires a high level of maturity and this goes beyond the physical. It also goes beyond the fact that your friends and colleagues are almost all married. You must be sure of what you want, why you want to be married and be sure that your partner is also ready for the marriage. It is dangerous to just get into a marriage when the other party is obvious­ly not ready. If a party forces the other in any way, may be by way of sudden preg­nancies or by way of offering to sponsor the marriage due to your own comfortabil­ity in any way, it may all boomerang at the end of the day. Both parties must be truly fond of each other and must be sure that they both want the marriage, that is, they are both ready to live with each other. If they are both fond of each other in all hon­esty, they will be able to endure each oth­er’s weaknesses. If both are economically strong to a good level, they will be able to keep the love as much as possible. Above all, if they are both mature, they will be able to tolerate each other and grow their marriage. Maturity is very important in every marriage.

How essential is money in a marriage?

Very essential! I mean very essential! If you go into a marriage thinking love is go­ing to sustain you, don’t worry – Surprise! – surprise! It’s even a spiritual injunction. A man must be capable of taking care of his wife. At least, have prospects, have a job and a roof over your head otherwise where do you expect your wife to be after the marriage? If you marry a woman be­cause of her own money or her parents’, you will end up not having a say in that marriage. It will be hijacked by the par­ents or the wife herself in a way as time goes on. No woman enjoys occupying the position of the man in the house and still be expected to double as the wife. It is not implied in any of the holy books and it is definitely unAfrican. It is your duty as a man to do all that. That’s not to say that she won’t contribute especially in today’s dispensation but it is your duty to provide the basics. If you don’t have that, what business do you have getting married? It means you’re not ready to become a hus­band yet.

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Should women change their names after marriage?

Each time a baby arrives in any household, the next thing in the minds of the parents, well wish­ers and the family members is the pomp and pageantry that characterize the eight day, which is the naming ceremony day.

On that day, all and sundry gather to give the child a befitting name, which supposedly is intended to propel him and his destiny through life. This is because according to oral tradition, names spir­itually opens doors as well as direct or redirect destinies. Consequently, names like Ayomide, Oluwayemisi, Chiebuka, Ego, Ezinwa amongst others are readily given with the sole purpose of shaping the child’s destiny. This is even as the immediate past president of Nigeria, Dr. Goodluck Jonathan, is said to have had everything worked out for him because of his name – Goodluck.

That notwithstanding, names given at birth have not really, and cannot be said to have propelled to any form of destiny, positive or negative; but people through a dint of hard work have carved a niche for themselves, and consequently, created a name which opens doors irrespective of whether it has religious connotations or not.

“Names, as far as I am concerned, are just tags, and do not portray much in the real sense of it. People strive to become what they will be. You cannot tell me that a vulcanizer who wears a doctor’s appar­el has become a doctor. No, it does not work like that. Not all Ades are kings; not all Egos are wealthy; not all Nwachuk­wus fear God or receives God’s blessings. What you make of yourself is what you become; name or no name,” said Casmir Okoro, a sociologist.

He reiterated that no matter what one bears as name, only what he could do for himself will stand him out in the society.

Sometime, not in the distant past, when Mr. Emmanuel Ojukwu was made the Police Public Relations Officer, a group of journalist, during a parley, asked him if by any means he is related to the Ikemba Nnewi, late Dim Chukwue­meka Odumegwu Ojukwu because of his name. though his answer was in the neg­ative, something about him suggested that he was happy to have been connect­ed with the former Biafran warlord.

Consequently, names like Babangi­da, Otedola, Saraki, Adenuga, Dangote, Ojukwu, Okadigbo and many others seem to be puzzle solvers in varied situa­tions including getting contracts, admis­sion, jobs and any other favours reserved for the privileged.

According to Chief Musiliu Odunsi, a community leader, names of people who had achieved prominence in life tends to ring a bell wherever they are mentioned, and answers every nutty question. He added that public officers, administra­tors and government officials accord re­spect to these names each time they are brought to the fore.

“There is actually something in a name; I mean prominent names of achievers. Their names carry the aura they have created for themselves, and tend to speak for them even in their ab­sence. Why do you think the likes of for­mer Bianca Onoh married Emeka Ojuk­wu, even as her father was a governor, or why the beautiful and young Lara Fortes married Edo State governor, Adams Osh­iomhole? The quest to answer a superior name is not ruled out,” Odunsi said.

These same reasons may also account for the reasons the female folks who had carved a niche for themselves seem re­luctant or even recalcitrant in assuming the names of their hubbies or discarding their own names completely.

Dr. Olabisi Durojaiye-Abiodun, who runs a private pharmaceutical outfit, be­lieves that it is tantamount to cheating if a woman is forced to drop a name she had labored to make just because she married a husband, asking where the husband was when the woman was busy attaching importance to her maiden name. Accord­ing to her, the best a woman can do is to add the man’s name to hers in the unlike­liest of situations.

“A woman spends all her life trying to build her name, and suddenly society wants her to drop the name just because of tradition. That’s cheating! Times have changed! Where were the man and so­ciety when she was busy building her name? I am so benevolent to have added my husband’s name to my maiden name, and that’s the limit a woman who wishes to be considerate should go,” she said.

While towing Durojaiye-Abiodun’s as­sertion, many Nigerian women see the dropping of ‘hard earned’ maiden name as foolishness, saying that such will re­turn the woman to oblivion, especially if the name of the husband is something only obtainable in obscurity.

Instances abound of the likes of a for­mer member of the House of Represen­tatives, Abike Dabiri-Erewa, ace broad­caster, Ruth Benamasia-Opia, and many others who belong to the school individ­uals who combine maiden names with matrimonial identity. This is because they have been in practice with their names long before they dabbled into mat­rimony. Both women had been household names as they were regular faces on the Nigerian Television Authority as news­casters.

Eunice Opara, a youth corps member, serving with Surulere Local Govern­ment Area, Lagos, said that though she was yet to marry, she doesn’t see herself dropping her name completely for anoth­er man’s name. She said even at the level she is presently, her name has gone plac­es and established an age-long identity. Consequently, dropping her name will be tantamount to losing an identity.

“My name has come to be me. All these years, I have strived to nurture it. As a re­sult, I don’t see myself dropping it com­pletely for any other. This is because I am afraid of losing my identity,” she said.

Her colleague, Ijeoma Okeke, collab­orated her stand, questioning the ratio­nale behind the tradition.

“There are certain traditions that need to be done away with. Why must a woman abandon her name for another man’s? I thought the Beijing Conference took care of all these,” she fumed.

In total disagreement, Pastor (Mrs.) Titilayo Shogbade, explained that drop­ping of a woman’s name for her hus­band’s name is in furtherance of the biblical instruction to ‘submit’ to one’s husband, saying that any woman who thinks it is wrong should not complain if her husband loves her haphazardly.

“The Bible commands that a woman should submit to her husband, and bear­ing his name without reservation, is one area of submission. It is not negotiable except you want your husband to love you with reservation. You need not go into marriage if you think it is wrong,” she asserted.

Pastor Shogbade maintained that one has no business marrying a man whose name she cannot discard her own to bear.

However, while most women manage to add their matrimonial names to their maiden names, some feel it is completely unnecessary, and out rightly discard it. A typical example is Mrs. Joke Jacobs, who is better known by her maiden name, Joke Silva, and whose matrimonial name is quite unknown to not a few people.

To Joke Silva (Jacobs), the individu­als are two different people, and had to remain so. She claims that she became who she is as Joke Silva, and has to keep it that way as far as her professional life is involved. She added that her matrimo­nial name comes handy in matrimonial settings.

On Moji’s part, she feels more at home with her father’s name – Olaiya – which according to her, opens influential doors for her.

But Mrs. Barbara Owolana, a sec­ondary school administrator, said it is a psychological thing, seeing that wom­en, being who they are flows better with stronger men; they have no patience for weaker men, either in physic or finance. Consequently, if their father’s name seems to bear the mark of opulence and influence, they will stick to it, and if oth­erwise, they will swiftly make a switch.

“Women love power and money, and are willing to swing their tentacles to where they flow the best. Even women whose husbands have passed seem to retain his name much as they are mar­ried to some other people like Senator Florence Ita-Giwa, who still attaches late Dele Giwa’s name to her name, 29 years after his death. It’s just about what you can get, and nothing more,” Owolana said.

But what is the opinion of men on the issue? Most men looked at it indifferent­ly while some said they will never live under the same roof with a woman that would not bear their names.

“Never! I will not dwell under the same roof with a woman recalcitrant enough to reject my name, no matter how highly placed or educated. I am a typical Afri­can man, and African tradition entails a woman jettisoning her name for her hus­band’s after marriage, and that is where I stand. No more, nothing less. Even the holy books condemn such act,” the com­munity leader, Musiliu Odunsi, vehe­mently spat.

Odunsi’s assertion seems to be the consensus opinion of most men who spoke to Saturday Mirror on the issue as there is no legal implication to whether one takes her spouse’s name or not.

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Cynthia Morgan insults Burna Boy

Simanitiya, the latest music video of I’m Taken singer, Cynthia Morgan, is one that just might get her in trouble with her male colleague, Burna Boy, who played the role of her lover boy in the video.

Prior to the video’s release, the two of them had released suggestive pictures which made it seem like they were dating.

The video’s arrival however made it clear that their recent closeness is due to the fact that they were starring in the same video.

And being that they are both stars, the normal thing is that both their names should be in the video’s credits.

Shockingly, though, Burna Boy’s name isn’t on the video, and this omission, or more likely, commission, is one that might just sour whatever relationship he and Morgan has, as it’s nothing but a professional insult that he wasn’t credited.

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Wanted is for those who hate me —Wande Coal

Popular singer, Wande Coal, has finally disclosed the title and artwork of his highly anticipated sophomore album which is billed for release this month.

The long overdue album is appropriately titled Wanted and its artwork is attractive, to say the least.

Even as its yet to hit the market, Wanted is already generating ripples because, speaking about it, Coal has made comments that people believe are directed at D’Banj and Don Jazzy, his former bosses at Mo’ Hits Records, who released his extremely successful album, Mushin 2 Mo’ Hits, and then failed to release his sophomore album.

It’s believed in most quarters however that the Mo’ Hits non-release of Coal’s sophomore album was a deliberate ploy.

And so Coal had this to say about the album which s finally ready to see the light of day.

“Finally, Black Diamond presents Wanted, my sophomore album. This is for the diehard fans, the critics, haters, the media houses and more importantly, those who never stopped believing. This is a reminder of who I was and who I have evolved into. This is where I want to be. WANTED.”

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2face’s biography for public presentation on October 20

A Very Good Bad Guy: The Story Of Innocent ‘2face’ Idibia, the biography of Nigerian pop icon 2face will finally be released on Tuesday, October 20, 2015.

The book launch, according to NET publisher and Idibia’s former publicist, Ayeni Adekunle, will hold at Terra Kulture, Lagos.

The 460-page book will contain a wide range of materials on Idibia’s life and times, including accounts from his mother, his wife, siblings, colleagues and mentors. It will also contain selected lyrics and discography, as well as editorial materials dating as far back as 2005.

The biography, done in commemoration of the singer’s 40th birthday, is a first-of-its-kind for any pop star in Idibia’s category, and the first by any contemporary Nigerian media platform. Fully funded and edited by NET News, owners of Newsroom, THENETNG, Orin, NECLive and Star, the biography is part of the NET Book Series, a dedicated project to document an important era in Nigeria’s creative industry.

“It’s the first of many,” Ayeni says.

Already confirmed for Idibia’s book launch are the duo of Tee A and Ali Baba who will serve as event host and book reviewer respectively.

The event will also feature a live conversation between book editor Ayeni Adekunle and 2face Idibia.

The 2face Idibia biography is the second installment in the NET Book Series, following the publication of Chris Ihidero’s Wanderings Of A Rapidly Degenerating Mind earlier this year. The book project is projected to replace the company’s weekly print newspaper which has in recent times been epileptic and is already scheduled to go off the stands later this month

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