Mothers must be their daughters’ confidants – Ireti Doyle

Not many people in the limelight still have stable homes today. How are you able to keep yours?

I think I am lucky to be hooked up with a man like Patrick. I’ve never seen a more confident man. Besides, we are into the same career. There’s nothing I am now that he hasn’t been already. He’s been there. He’s done all I may be seen to be do­ing now.. It’s one thing to have a talent and it’s another thing to have someone who would help you grow it. He helped in grow­ing me in to a talent. He knew what was go­ing to happen down the line. He had done the mathematics and it doesn’t worry him because he knows that I am coming home to him. He has no worries whatsoever. We’ve been married for years now and we are still on. We can be very boring to other people but we are very homely buddies. We like to be at home; we may be locked away in our room for as long as we want. He trusted me and supports me immensely. I respect him greatly; he is my kind of man any day, a blessing I must emphasise.

Would you say this has helped you in your career?

Of course, it has and very greatly too. When the home front is good, you can be rest assured to be at your best in your working place. Acting is one career or one job that desire creativity time after time and if you are not emotionally stable, it will be hard for you to be at your best. This is what has helped me to cope with my role in Tinsel. It is a very challenging role but a lot of things have helped me to put in my best.

Most parents are finding it tough to raise their teenage kids. What do you think is responsible?

A lot of this can be blamed on the high level of technology that comes with civili­zation that we are all exposed to. The side effects are more felt by the young ones than the adults. They are too exposed to a lot of things that many adults did not know anything about until they came of age. The internet is there telling them to be free with life. The much noise about safe sex with all kinds of contraceptives and all is on another hand to give them the free­dom of a carefree sex life. They are abreast of family planning information and the vogue of being bold and daring where dressing is concerned is not also helping any moral lesson. In addition to the above is the fact that most parents, mothers espe­cially are into one career or the other that takes them away from their children and homes. Today’s children grow faster than those n the past, learns faster than those in the past and parents are never there to put them real through life. All these add up together to make raising them up very difficult.

What do you advise on this?

I will advise that mothers especially take more time out to be with their chil­dren. They have to forfeit some things for some things as nothing goes for nothing. It is a big price I know for them to pay but it is a worthy one. They need to spend more times to devote to their children. We live in a world of high technology, a world of high indecency that if one does not take care very early in the lives of these chil­dren, they may get consumed. Their ori­entation may get twisted and their future may just be ruined. Parents need to devote more times to their children. They must be careful to understand the world we are currently in and take a principled stand to instill good moral lessons in their children. These children are not just the future of their parents; they are the future of the so­ciety as a whole. Their welfare must come before ours. They must be the priority of their parents. They must be available to them, mothers, especially must be the best friends of their daughters. They must be their confidants. They must also be good examples to them, monitor what they wear, the films they watch, the friends they keep and get them closer to God.

Broken homes have become almost a com­mon place in Nigeria now. What will you attribute this to?

The issue of broken homes is not pecu­liar to Nigeria alone, it is everywhere but like you said it was not as popular as it is these days. It is very unfortunate that a lot of marriages are getting broken within a very short time but you see, a lot of reasons can be responsible. If you ask those who have fallen victim of this, they will surely have different stories to tell. There are lots of reasons for this. It varies from immatu­rity, incompatibility, peculiar personalities to other reasons like poor financial status, unemployment and environmental factors. Like I said it varies from case to case. It is different strokes for different people.

Why will you recommend marriage for anybody?

Marriage is good for everyone more im­portantly for companionship. No doubt, it is also designed for procreation but I tell you marriage is best for companionship. No matter how much time one spends out of the home, your spouse remains your best friend if you will see it that way. Even the holy Bible says so. It is not good for a man to be alone. And just as it is not good for a man to be alone, women should also not be alone. Loneliness is bad for every sane person. It is bad for productivity and for everything. It says further that two heads are better than one, meaning one head is not good enough no matter how wonderful the head is. The best thing in short in any marriage is companionship. The thought of having someone at home to discuss with as your very own, at all times makes it very important.

Are children and other people who are close associates not good as companions?

Children and all these people, friends, sisters and other close associates are good companions but, they cannot be as much good companions as your husband. Age, at a time will count against the children and no matter the closeness, you cannot possi­bly discuss everything with your siblings, friends and neighbours. It is not even ad­visable. These people are third parties no matter how you look at it. Your husband is supposed to be your best companion. Who is a companion? It is your best friend, your confidant, a reliable and trustworthy per­son. He or she is expected to be very mature and quite experienced about a lot of things. As for me, this is what I have enjoyed most in my marriage. My husband has been the best companion I have ever had in life. He is my best companion. He is my best friend, a brother, a lover and of course a father.

What are the credentials you will recom­mend for anyone going into a marriage?

Basically, the person must be sure that he or she is really ready for the marriage. This, in terms of emotions, spirituality and economical strength. It requires a high level of maturity and this goes beyond the physical. It also goes beyond the fact that your friends and colleagues are almost all married. You must be sure of what you want, why you want to be married and be sure that your partner is also ready for the marriage. It is dangerous to just get into a marriage when the other party is obvious­ly not ready. If a party forces the other in any way, may be by way of sudden preg­nancies or by way of offering to sponsor the marriage due to your own comfortabil­ity in any way, it may all boomerang at the end of the day. Both parties must be truly fond of each other and must be sure that they both want the marriage, that is, they are both ready to live with each other. If they are both fond of each other in all hon­esty, they will be able to endure each oth­er’s weaknesses. If both are economically strong to a good level, they will be able to keep the love as much as possible. Above all, if they are both mature, they will be able to tolerate each other and grow their marriage. Maturity is very important in every marriage.

How essential is money in a marriage?

Very essential! I mean very essential! If you go into a marriage thinking love is go­ing to sustain you, don’t worry – Surprise! – surprise! It’s even a spiritual injunction. A man must be capable of taking care of his wife. At least, have prospects, have a job and a roof over your head otherwise where do you expect your wife to be after the marriage? If you marry a woman be­cause of her own money or her parents’, you will end up not having a say in that marriage. It will be hijacked by the par­ents or the wife herself in a way as time goes on. No woman enjoys occupying the position of the man in the house and still be expected to double as the wife. It is not implied in any of the holy books and it is definitely unAfrican. It is your duty as a man to do all that. That’s not to say that she won’t contribute especially in today’s dispensation but it is your duty to provide the basics. If you don’t have that, what business do you have getting married? It means you’re not ready to become a hus­band yet.

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Should women change their names after marriage?

Each time a baby arrives in any household, the next thing in the minds of the parents, well wish­ers and the family members is the pomp and pageantry that characterize the eight day, which is the naming ceremony day.

On that day, all and sundry gather to give the child a befitting name, which supposedly is intended to propel him and his destiny through life. This is because according to oral tradition, names spir­itually opens doors as well as direct or redirect destinies. Consequently, names like Ayomide, Oluwayemisi, Chiebuka, Ego, Ezinwa amongst others are readily given with the sole purpose of shaping the child’s destiny. This is even as the immediate past president of Nigeria, Dr. Goodluck Jonathan, is said to have had everything worked out for him because of his name – Goodluck.

That notwithstanding, names given at birth have not really, and cannot be said to have propelled to any form of destiny, positive or negative; but people through a dint of hard work have carved a niche for themselves, and consequently, created a name which opens doors irrespective of whether it has religious connotations or not.

“Names, as far as I am concerned, are just tags, and do not portray much in the real sense of it. People strive to become what they will be. You cannot tell me that a vulcanizer who wears a doctor’s appar­el has become a doctor. No, it does not work like that. Not all Ades are kings; not all Egos are wealthy; not all Nwachuk­wus fear God or receives God’s blessings. What you make of yourself is what you become; name or no name,” said Casmir Okoro, a sociologist.

He reiterated that no matter what one bears as name, only what he could do for himself will stand him out in the society.

Sometime, not in the distant past, when Mr. Emmanuel Ojukwu was made the Police Public Relations Officer, a group of journalist, during a parley, asked him if by any means he is related to the Ikemba Nnewi, late Dim Chukwue­meka Odumegwu Ojukwu because of his name. though his answer was in the neg­ative, something about him suggested that he was happy to have been connect­ed with the former Biafran warlord.

Consequently, names like Babangi­da, Otedola, Saraki, Adenuga, Dangote, Ojukwu, Okadigbo and many others seem to be puzzle solvers in varied situa­tions including getting contracts, admis­sion, jobs and any other favours reserved for the privileged.

According to Chief Musiliu Odunsi, a community leader, names of people who had achieved prominence in life tends to ring a bell wherever they are mentioned, and answers every nutty question. He added that public officers, administra­tors and government officials accord re­spect to these names each time they are brought to the fore.

“There is actually something in a name; I mean prominent names of achievers. Their names carry the aura they have created for themselves, and tend to speak for them even in their ab­sence. Why do you think the likes of for­mer Bianca Onoh married Emeka Ojuk­wu, even as her father was a governor, or why the beautiful and young Lara Fortes married Edo State governor, Adams Osh­iomhole? The quest to answer a superior name is not ruled out,” Odunsi said.

These same reasons may also account for the reasons the female folks who had carved a niche for themselves seem re­luctant or even recalcitrant in assuming the names of their hubbies or discarding their own names completely.

Dr. Olabisi Durojaiye-Abiodun, who runs a private pharmaceutical outfit, be­lieves that it is tantamount to cheating if a woman is forced to drop a name she had labored to make just because she married a husband, asking where the husband was when the woman was busy attaching importance to her maiden name. Accord­ing to her, the best a woman can do is to add the man’s name to hers in the unlike­liest of situations.

“A woman spends all her life trying to build her name, and suddenly society wants her to drop the name just because of tradition. That’s cheating! Times have changed! Where were the man and so­ciety when she was busy building her name? I am so benevolent to have added my husband’s name to my maiden name, and that’s the limit a woman who wishes to be considerate should go,” she said.

While towing Durojaiye-Abiodun’s as­sertion, many Nigerian women see the dropping of ‘hard earned’ maiden name as foolishness, saying that such will re­turn the woman to oblivion, especially if the name of the husband is something only obtainable in obscurity.

Instances abound of the likes of a for­mer member of the House of Represen­tatives, Abike Dabiri-Erewa, ace broad­caster, Ruth Benamasia-Opia, and many others who belong to the school individ­uals who combine maiden names with matrimonial identity. This is because they have been in practice with their names long before they dabbled into mat­rimony. Both women had been household names as they were regular faces on the Nigerian Television Authority as news­casters.

Eunice Opara, a youth corps member, serving with Surulere Local Govern­ment Area, Lagos, said that though she was yet to marry, she doesn’t see herself dropping her name completely for anoth­er man’s name. She said even at the level she is presently, her name has gone plac­es and established an age-long identity. Consequently, dropping her name will be tantamount to losing an identity.

“My name has come to be me. All these years, I have strived to nurture it. As a re­sult, I don’t see myself dropping it com­pletely for any other. This is because I am afraid of losing my identity,” she said.

Her colleague, Ijeoma Okeke, collab­orated her stand, questioning the ratio­nale behind the tradition.

“There are certain traditions that need to be done away with. Why must a woman abandon her name for another man’s? I thought the Beijing Conference took care of all these,” she fumed.

In total disagreement, Pastor (Mrs.) Titilayo Shogbade, explained that drop­ping of a woman’s name for her hus­band’s name is in furtherance of the biblical instruction to ‘submit’ to one’s husband, saying that any woman who thinks it is wrong should not complain if her husband loves her haphazardly.

“The Bible commands that a woman should submit to her husband, and bear­ing his name without reservation, is one area of submission. It is not negotiable except you want your husband to love you with reservation. You need not go into marriage if you think it is wrong,” she asserted.

Pastor Shogbade maintained that one has no business marrying a man whose name she cannot discard her own to bear.

However, while most women manage to add their matrimonial names to their maiden names, some feel it is completely unnecessary, and out rightly discard it. A typical example is Mrs. Joke Jacobs, who is better known by her maiden name, Joke Silva, and whose matrimonial name is quite unknown to not a few people.

To Joke Silva (Jacobs), the individu­als are two different people, and had to remain so. She claims that she became who she is as Joke Silva, and has to keep it that way as far as her professional life is involved. She added that her matrimo­nial name comes handy in matrimonial settings.

On Moji’s part, she feels more at home with her father’s name – Olaiya – which according to her, opens influential doors for her.

But Mrs. Barbara Owolana, a sec­ondary school administrator, said it is a psychological thing, seeing that wom­en, being who they are flows better with stronger men; they have no patience for weaker men, either in physic or finance. Consequently, if their father’s name seems to bear the mark of opulence and influence, they will stick to it, and if oth­erwise, they will swiftly make a switch.

“Women love power and money, and are willing to swing their tentacles to where they flow the best. Even women whose husbands have passed seem to retain his name much as they are mar­ried to some other people like Senator Florence Ita-Giwa, who still attaches late Dele Giwa’s name to her name, 29 years after his death. It’s just about what you can get, and nothing more,” Owolana said.

But what is the opinion of men on the issue? Most men looked at it indifferent­ly while some said they will never live under the same roof with a woman that would not bear their names.

“Never! I will not dwell under the same roof with a woman recalcitrant enough to reject my name, no matter how highly placed or educated. I am a typical Afri­can man, and African tradition entails a woman jettisoning her name for her hus­band’s after marriage, and that is where I stand. No more, nothing less. Even the holy books condemn such act,” the com­munity leader, Musiliu Odunsi, vehe­mently spat.

Odunsi’s assertion seems to be the consensus opinion of most men who spoke to Saturday Mirror on the issue as there is no legal implication to whether one takes her spouse’s name or not.

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Cynthia Morgan insults Burna Boy

Simanitiya, the latest music video of I’m Taken singer, Cynthia Morgan, is one that just might get her in trouble with her male colleague, Burna Boy, who played the role of her lover boy in the video.

Prior to the video’s release, the two of them had released suggestive pictures which made it seem like they were dating.

The video’s arrival however made it clear that their recent closeness is due to the fact that they were starring in the same video.

And being that they are both stars, the normal thing is that both their names should be in the video’s credits.

Shockingly, though, Burna Boy’s name isn’t on the video, and this omission, or more likely, commission, is one that might just sour whatever relationship he and Morgan has, as it’s nothing but a professional insult that he wasn’t credited.

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Wanted is for those who hate me —Wande Coal

Popular singer, Wande Coal, has finally disclosed the title and artwork of his highly anticipated sophomore album which is billed for release this month.

The long overdue album is appropriately titled Wanted and its artwork is attractive, to say the least.

Even as its yet to hit the market, Wanted is already generating ripples because, speaking about it, Coal has made comments that people believe are directed at D’Banj and Don Jazzy, his former bosses at Mo’ Hits Records, who released his extremely successful album, Mushin 2 Mo’ Hits, and then failed to release his sophomore album.

It’s believed in most quarters however that the Mo’ Hits non-release of Coal’s sophomore album was a deliberate ploy.

And so Coal had this to say about the album which s finally ready to see the light of day.

“Finally, Black Diamond presents Wanted, my sophomore album. This is for the diehard fans, the critics, haters, the media houses and more importantly, those who never stopped believing. This is a reminder of who I was and who I have evolved into. This is where I want to be. WANTED.”

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2face’s biography for public presentation on October 20

A Very Good Bad Guy: The Story Of Innocent ‘2face’ Idibia, the biography of Nigerian pop icon 2face will finally be released on Tuesday, October 20, 2015.

The book launch, according to NET publisher and Idibia’s former publicist, Ayeni Adekunle, will hold at Terra Kulture, Lagos.

The 460-page book will contain a wide range of materials on Idibia’s life and times, including accounts from his mother, his wife, siblings, colleagues and mentors. It will also contain selected lyrics and discography, as well as editorial materials dating as far back as 2005.

The biography, done in commemoration of the singer’s 40th birthday, is a first-of-its-kind for any pop star in Idibia’s category, and the first by any contemporary Nigerian media platform. Fully funded and edited by NET News, owners of Newsroom, THENETNG, Orin, NECLive and Star, the biography is part of the NET Book Series, a dedicated project to document an important era in Nigeria’s creative industry.

“It’s the first of many,” Ayeni says.

Already confirmed for Idibia’s book launch are the duo of Tee A and Ali Baba who will serve as event host and book reviewer respectively.

The event will also feature a live conversation between book editor Ayeni Adekunle and 2face Idibia.

The 2face Idibia biography is the second installment in the NET Book Series, following the publication of Chris Ihidero’s Wanderings Of A Rapidly Degenerating Mind earlier this year. The book project is projected to replace the company’s weekly print newspaper which has in recent times been epileptic and is already scheduled to go off the stands later this month

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Olamide, Phyno, Lil Kesh, Others Set To Storm London For YBNL’s Concert

Olamide and his goons which includes Lil Kesh, Adekunle Gold, Chinko Ekun and Dj Enimoney will thrill UK fans to their toes during YBNL‘s London Concert come Sunday October 25, 2015.

Also, Phyno will turn up as a special guest at the forthcoming concert which will be the first ever YBNL U.K. concert and is a one night only event, set to happen live at the venue TROXY in London.

“London has become the unofficial second home for African stars and its an honour to be performing for those fans in the UK that support me regardless of the distance between us’’ says Olamide, CEO YBNL.

The event is organised by Smade Entertainment, and will be hosted by UK comedian and OAP, Eddie Kadi.

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Drake shares adorable photos with his dad

Drake has always said his relationship with his father was strained in earlier years after he left his mother. However, they have rebuilt their relationship with Drake even featuring him in his “Worst Behaviour ” video.

The rapper shared new photos of them hanging out!

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5 Shocking Facts Revealed By Scientist About SE.X

And you thought sex was a natural occurrence? Well, here’s an update! Scientists from across the world have come together to prove that sex is completely scientific, perhaps as technical as photosynthesis and we bet the following scientific facts about sexual contact between two individuals will leave you completely shocked!

1. Lower cholesterol boosts sexual performance: If you are struggling in the bed, then chances are you’ve got to get your cholesterol level duly checked up by a doctor. Well, it might sound ridiculous but high cholesterol can actually lead to erectile dysfunction. And, according to a study undertaken by researchers at Rutgers University’s Robert Wood Johnson Medical School, people who take medication to lower their cholesterol level can actually enjoy better sex eventually.

2. If you don’t cuddle after sex, you can’t satisfy your partner: Women have been demanding it for ages, but looks like men will have to finally agree to cuddle their partners in bed, after a rocking sex session and that’s all thanks to a University of Toronto study, which has proven that cuddling post sex is as important to relationship satisfaction as the intercourse.

And, this satisfaction has everything to do with the release of oxytocin, which is produced when a couple indulges in a loving session of cuddling.

3. Get aroused and sex won’t be messy anymore: Well, isn’t sex a messy activity, mostly when you’re not in a mood? Well, that’s all because of the fact that sexual arousal overrides the body’s natural “disgust response, implying that you won’t find the act messy as long as you’re enjoying it.

According to a study undertaken by researchers from University of Groningen in the Netherlands, when a group of women were asked to watch either an erotic film, a sports video, or a neutral video of a train, and then perform a series of unpleasant acts (like drinking out of a cup with a bug in it), they found that those who’d watched the sexual acts rated the tasks as less disgusting and were also able to complete more of them as compared to their counterparts.

4. Some individuals are wired to have more sex: Yes! Well, while we are not hinting at nymphomaniacs or people whose sexual drives are overtly high but according to a University of California, Los Angeles study, an individual’s brain wiring may influence the number of sexual partners he or she has.

The researchers came to this conclusion when they performed brain scans of volunteers as they viewed sexually suggestive images and then probed the subjects about their individual sexual behaviours of past year. Apparently, it turned out that individuals whose brains were most active while viewing the sexual images, were also the ones who had most number of sexual partners.

5. Sex does burn calories. Here’s proof!: It’s the most commonly cited thing about sex but seldom have people believed it and guess now, it;s the time to actually get your facts right because according to a study by researchers from the University of Quebec, getting busy between the sheets for an hour can burn as many calories as 30 minutes of jogging!

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Darey Art Alade Releases N*ked Promo Photo

Nigeria’s singing sensation, Darey has just released a quite controversial promo photo on his instagram page.

The multiple awards winning vocalist, on the back of his visits to his former schools and where he grew up, released a promo photo of himself without clothes on, on his instagram page.

Peek below:

Darey who is preparing to drop his new album captioned the photo:

“Being Naked isn’t just about Nudity, it’s also about being honest, being vulnerable, being real. Today, I’m asking you all to do something you’ve never done before. Tell someone something (like how much you appreciate them), apologize for something, share something you’ve been meaning to, launch a new idea you’ve been nursing, a new ambition, anything…and Tag me in it using #DareyNaked #Naked”

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2015 African Muzik Magazine winner list

The 2015 edition of the African Muzik Magazine held in Dallas, Texas yesterday, October 10, 2015 and was hosted by Nigeria’s Basketmouth and Ann Kansiime of Uganda while Emma Nyra was the red carpet host.. Here is the full list of winners.

Best Male (South Africa) – AKA
Best Male (East Africa) – Diamond Platnumz
Best Male (Central Africa) – Yuri Da Cunha
Best Male (West Africa) – Davido
Best Female (East Africa) – Vanessa Mdee
Best Female (West Africa) – Yemi Alade
AFRIMMA Inspirational Song – Bracket feat. Tiwa Savage and Diamond Platnumz for ‘Alive’
Best DJ (US) – DJ Simplesimon
Best Newcomer – Ommy Dimpoz
Best Collaboration – AKA feat. Da Les and Burna Boy for ‘All Eyes on Me’
Best Dance Video – Diamond Platnumz for ‘Nana’
Best Video – Wizkid for ‘Ojuelegba’
Artist of the Year – Diamond Platnumz
Legendary Award – Yossou N’Dour

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